You know that terror?

Of obliterating your identity in union with another?

Of losing your edge?

Of giving up your freedom?

I noticed today that the terror had left me

It was not simply that I am more myself with you than anywhere else

Myself isn’t what I’m after now

I would merge myself into oblivion and pure presence if that’s what it took to touch your soul with mine

Not because I’m attached to the idea of our souls touching

Or how I imagine that would grow me

But because I am surrendered to what is clearly meant to happen

—

I used to fear heartbreak

And then I learned to embrace it

And then I woke up this morning longing for rupture

Because our hearts are meant to break for each other now

To break barriers to deeper realms

And I don’t know what it’s for, but it feels beyond you and I

A state of grace

Where I’m no longer governed by an arrogance or audacity that would drive me to try and control a natural disaster

With petty constrictions like codependent, addicted, irrational, irresponsible or imprudent

In fact, I would be all of these things with you

In fact, I would prefer it

In fact, they aren’t constrictions when used to unlock sealed places in our hearts

In fact, I know they are the keys to our kingdom